my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I got inside last night via doggy door
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
