It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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