koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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