I am midnight drunk by noon
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
