Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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