end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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