Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize