That's intense
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
