Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
