Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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