I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
