somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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