ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't deserve a penis
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
