My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
