i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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