I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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