She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
