I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
