sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
