It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
