I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
