Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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