The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
