hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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