btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
