I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
