Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
