k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
