So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
