Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
