if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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