Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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