so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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