I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
