Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
