just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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