if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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