sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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