Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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