Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
