we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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