1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
