she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
