Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
