i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
