Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
