I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
