Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
