Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
a search helicopter?!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
