i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
