My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
