I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize