I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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