youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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