best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
