I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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