I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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