exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
