I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
