My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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