HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
