plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
