oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
