I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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