Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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