I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
