omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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