why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
