U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
