Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
