Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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