My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My ass is underappreciated
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
