Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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