yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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