I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
